I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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