True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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