Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize