Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
