my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
