if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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