How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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