Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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