So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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