I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
