I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
