Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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