She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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