I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
