Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
