I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
