the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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