I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize