Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
