she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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