She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
