What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
