Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize