You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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