Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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