Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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