I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
