does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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