Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
