mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a hot homeless man
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
