its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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