I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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