I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
