she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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