Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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