do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
