i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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