pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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