I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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