there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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