My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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