somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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