I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize