OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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