Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
