Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
