oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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