then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
