well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
