I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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