Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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