after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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