My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
