1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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