If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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