Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
