How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
