I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
