Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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