bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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