Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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