I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
