"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
