we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Enjoy the penises
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
