I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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