I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
