she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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