There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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