Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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