My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You can't special order awesome
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
