i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
