ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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