I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
