do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
