yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize