I think im going to throw up on grandma
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
