Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize