I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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