your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize