I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
