The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
