It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
