I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize