One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
