I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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