i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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