I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
