there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
