did you get engaged???
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You made out with two different species that night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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