I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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