your parents love me but you hate me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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