She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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