she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
