I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
