Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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