i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
