she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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