Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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