There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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