having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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