my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
