hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You had me at "let me see your balls"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
