I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
People in love make me want to vomit
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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