so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
