Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
