i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
